INT. -- AN APARTMENT IN BROOKLYN -- AROUND 6 PM ON OCT. 19, 2006.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

MapQuest pegs the distance from 3 Court House Drive in Central Islip to 123-01 Roosevelt Avenue in Flushing at approximately 40 miles, depending on your route of preference.

Too close for my tastes. And way too far.

If one of your all-time favorite baseball players flashes through your mind hitting like a Met, fielding like a Met, running like a Met and forever looking like a Met, finding out he has become a Duck is pure quackery.

Former New York Met and recent Norfolk Tide Edgardo Alfonzo has indeed been bewebbed, signing with every ex-local Major Leaguer's favorite halfway house, the Long Island Ducks. It had to happen sooner or later. It's where old Mets, almost-Mets and Mets-tinged lunatics go to feather their nests for at least one more season in the sun: Kevin Baez, Bill Pulsipher, Carlos Baerga, Juan Gonzalez, John Rocker, Pat Mahomes...in fact, the Ducks traded Mahomes to the Bridgeport Bluefish for Atlantic League rights to Alfonzo. The sharp-eyed among us will recall Fonzie spent about a minute in Connecticut last summer between his release from the Toronto Blue Jays and his hookup with the Tides.

Ah, there's the rub. It was a great moment of hope here when word came down that Fonzie was going to Norfolk. He'd play himself into shape, he'd get recalled before rosters were set, he'd reinvent himself as Lee Mazzilli did in 1986 and an old Met would spray a few singles as the new Mets marched to their third world title.

Nothing ever works out the way you want it to.

Edgardo lingered as a Tide. He batted .241 at Triple-A in July and August, which — all sentimentality aside — is not the best case one can make for himself for elevation to The Show. Still, the Mets did not have the deepest bench going into the postseason, and I didn't see any reason not to bring him up and give him a few at-bats with a 12-game lead. At worst, I figured, we could give Fonzie the group hug he earned from 1995 to 2002, he could tip his cap and he could go coach with his brother somewhere in the Met system.

But that didn't happen. Trying to retrace the steps, I seem to recall the 40-man roster, which sounds so huge in theory, came into play, especially after Ramon Castro went down with a knee injury. Suddenly another 1995 Met, Kelly Stinnett, had to be added to the big club, inciting a chain reaction of other machinations that left no room at the inn for sentimentally favored .241-hitting utility infielders. Well, there might have been, but I kept reading that if the Mets tried to add Fonzie by September 1, they'd have to risk losing Ruben Gotay or Steve Schmoll.

I can't tell you how little I cared about Ruben Gotay or Steve Schmoll, but I tried to curb my instinct to scoff. Baseball seasons are built on the backs of guys I've never heard of, and maybe Gotay, the infielder acquired from Kansas City for Jeff Keppinger, or Schmoll, the sidearmer packaged with Duaner Sanchez in the Jae Seo swap, were too important to risk letting go.

But guess what — we let them go. In the last few weeks, both were dropped from the 40-man, both went through waivers and both went unclaimed. Each accepted an invitation to St. Lucie. In other words, we probably could have loosened our death grip on Schmoll and Gotay last August and been no poorer for it from an organizational standpoint.

I'd probably have muttered about each when they went and came, except I'd been feeling chastened after moaning last September about the failure to recall Alfonzo and saw myself teetering on the edge of ridiculousness if I continued to harp on it. Though I will always believe it was somewhere between a mistake and an insult not to have worked something out in December 2002 to keep him here, I had to admit to myself that based on his long-term performance from 2003 on, that I might have been, as the other Fonzie would have said, wr...wr...wr...you know. I might not have been completely correct in my estimation of his value.

The four-year deal he signed with the Giants expired at the end of 2006. Alfonzo reportedly put his big-ass house in Little Neck on the market. The Mets never effectively replaced him at second, but they seem set at third and I have no reason to doubt as of yet the short-term efficacy of Damion Easley and David Newhan. As a result, Edgardo seemed safely ensconced in the past. Even with the agate-type transactions regarding Gotay and Schmoll, I was willing to let him go once and for all.

Then this minor league outfit comes along and brings Edgardo Alfonzo back to the neighborhood. MapQuest says I'm about 26 miles west of Central Islip as the Duck flies. I suppose that's pleasant, that if Fonzie wants to continue his career that badly (he's only officially 33, or younger than all but maybe five Mets), it's nice that he's nearby, certainly within reasonable stalking distance, that it's a lot closer than Bridgeport, let alone San Francisco.

But it's not that great a thing. Watching Edgardo Alfonzo stride to the plate at Citibank Park in green and orange and standing in against some Somerset Patriot and ripping one up the middle is not the simmering desire I've harbored these past four-plus years. He was a Met. He was supposed to come home last year and be a Met one more time. To tease me by putting him one county away in the wrong direction...to make me think that if he regains his stroke that maybe, just maybe, Omar Minaya will take note and ink him again, this time for real...that with the score tied in the ninth and the winning run on third and the pitcher's spot due up that Willie Randolph will confer with Jerry Manuel and decide, with no confusion whatsoever, to send up No. 13 (Billy Wagner having graciously given up his digits in deference to his numerical predecessor)...that the pitch will be high in the zone and Fonzie will swing...

Enough.

The Academy would like to take a moment to remember those Mets who have left us in the past year...

Jeremi Gonzalez, 2006
I won't say "and that was that," because didn't Jeremi Gonzalez settle down in the second on Friday only to implode in the third?
—May 25, 2006

Bartolome Fortunato, 2004; 2006
Do you have a category for guy who did really well in his shot last year but doesn't seem to get mentioned at all this spring? That's Bartolome.
—February 21, 2005

Kelly Stinnett, 1994-1995; 2006
Kelly Stinnett has been here before.
—September 5, 2006

Henry Owens, 2006
Henry Owens has been handed the seventh inning in my head.
—July 8, 2006

Eli Marrero, 2006
...Eli Marrero made some nice plays out there in right. (Though his game saver in the 6th was mostly impressive because he had to salvage a bad route to the ball.)
—June 18, 2006

Ricky Ledee, 2006
We could all use our own Ricky Ledee. We could all use a caddy to go in and play for us the day after we've had a big time the night before.
—September 20, 2006

Royce Ring, 2005-2006
And the closer of future past, Royce Ring, actually appeared on TV, pitching well if wearing No. 91 without a name. I guess the future will have to wait.
—March 28, 2005

Michael Tucker, 2006
Michael Tucker as a 2006 Met is at worst an experiment that won't come to fruition and at best a revelation. So far, it's the latter. This is what happens on good teams. It's the difference between depending on Michael Tucker and taking a flyer on Michael Tucker.
—August 13, 2006

Heath Bell, 2004-2006
I've adopted Heath Bell as my first sentimental favorite of 2005.
—March 6, 2005

Jorge Julio, 2006
On a day when Wagner, Sanchez and Heilman were best not bothered, Jorge Julio was one of several who saved the day.
—May 6, 2006

Brian Bannister, 2006
When Bannister's facing the bases loaded (even if it's his fault) the expression on his face is that of a bright young student facing a difficult but interesting math problem.
—April 17, 2006

Jose Lima, 2006
That Lima's a pistol, all right. His right arm may never genuinely emerge from quadruple-A purgatory, but he can put on the trappings of a show.
—May 8, 2006

Victor Diaz, 2004-2006
As for John Patterson, he only made one mistake, but it was a fairly dopey one — why anyone on God's green Earth would throw Victor Diaz a fastball right now is beyond me.
—August 19, 2005

Kaz Matsui, 2004-2006
LAME OUT-OF-IT CO-WORKER: Kaz Matsui sucks. SMART IN-THE-KNOW YOU: Not when he was hitting that inside-the-park home run in his first at-bat, his third year in a row with a homer in just that situation.
—April 21, 2006

Xavier Nady, 2006
I'd like another look at Xavier Nady diving, grabbing and robbing in right field. Did we know he could do that?
—April 27, 2006

Darren Oliver, 2006
The series is even, and no matter what happens, the Mets are coming back to New York alive. You saw it. We all saw it. Really, this rebound began last night, when Darren Oliver saved the bullpen from having to put in overtime.
—October 16, 2006

Chad Bradford, 2006
Middle relief has been Amazin' of late. Tom and Eddie C. explain over and over again what a job Chad Bradford did cleaning up Glavine's mess. I'm more impressed with Bradford than I am concerned about Glavine.
—June 14, 2006

Roberto Hernandez, 2005; 2006
Hernandez strikes out Derrek Lee. He preserves the lead so Seo can still get the win. I take a few steps down from my seat so I can be parallel to the guy who was yelling at Willie and I start screaming "NICE CALL WILLIE!" Truly, I don't do that sort of thing.
—August 6, 2005

Victor Zambrano, 2004-2006
After what seemed an eternity, Victor Zambrano has been revealed to be a good pitcher by throwing deep — carrying a shutout into the ninth inning before giving way to Braden Looper — in the Mets' 2-1 win over Arizona at Shea Stadium Wednesday night. "I waited a long time, but I can wait no longer," said self-confessed Deep Throat W. Mark Felt. "I have to say that Zambrano threw quite a game."
—June 2, 2005

Chris Woodward, 2005-2006
Know why I'm particularly happy that it was Chris Woodward who walked us off into victory Tuesday night? Because every time he comes to bat, Shea's P.A. plays a few notes from a Dire Straits song, usually 1979's "Sultans of Swing".
—July 21, 2005

Steve Trachsel, 2001-2006
Between Mark Mulder flinging ungodly curves and getting ground ball after ground ball and Steve Trachsel being possibly the most impressive I've ever seen him, this one had the look of one of those One Mistake games. Except Trachsel didn't make a mistake.
—May 18, 2006

Cliff Floyd, 2003-2006
It's Cliff Floyd's world. We're just living in it. Our left fielder, our cleanup hitter, our heart, our soul, our leader, our de facto captain, our barometer of what's what, our very own Monsta took care of business that desperately needed attending to Saturday night. Cliff Floyd is in business...business of kicking Brendan Donnelly's ass. And let me tell ya: Business is booming.
—June 12, 2005