From John Harper in the Daily News today:

Because Hernandez is not on the 40-man roster, Mets' brass apparently was debating the idea of releasing one of their players to open a spot for him.

"We haven't decided what we're going to do yet," assistant GM Jim Duquette said. "We're still talking about it."

To quote those water ballerinas from an old AFLAC duck ad that last year's Mets broadcasts rammed into my cerebellum, never to be removed: Huh? Wha? Come again?

How about releasing Jose Offerman, who was useless even before performing his cranial-anal docking maneuver at a crucial point in last night's game? How about Gerald Williams, about whom no more needs be said? If we're worried about a glut of middle infielders, why not send Miguel Cairo packing? (Heck, he'd probably get picked up by the Yankees and kiss Omar and Willie on his way out.) How about one of the pitching staff's failed experiments? Dae-Sung Koo's been a flop and the brass are pissed at him for refusing to warm up last month anyway -- why not send him home early? How about Danny Graves, who has exactly as much chance of collecting his $5 million option for 2006 as I do of receiving it through some spectacular bank error? How about Kaz Ishii, solidly locked in at the bottom of any starting-pitching depth chart we could construct?

With the exception of Graves's utterly hypothetical option, none of these guys is signed for 2006. I can't imagine any of them would get us compensatory draft picks. None of them has any conceivable future with the Mets. (Of course, I said that last year about Ice Williams.)

Seriously, what am I missing? This doesn't seem like anything requiring some huddle o' suits. From my point of view, figuring out which 2005 Met to release is like figuring out which chucklehead political appointees to boot out of FEMA: Candidates aren't that hard to find.

The 2005 New York Mets, beloved Wild Card contender and object of irrational obsession to thousands, passed Tuesday evening.

They were 144 games old.

The cause of death was termed offensive futility exacerbated by an attack of executional ineptitude.

A coroner's report indicated there was little heart left at the end.

The 2005 New York Mets were best known for their sound starting pitching and a five-game winning streak late in life, most notably a pair of contests in Arizona in which they scored 32 runs.

"That's how I'd like to remember them," said Mr. Met, self-identified "mascot" for the deceased. "Hitting and running and what not like they were really good at it. It seemed so unlike them but they seemed so happy."

Mr. Met admitted he has a lot of thoughts rattling around in his head, "and there's room for lots more."

The 2005 New York Mets gave new meaning to the term ".500 club," a designation that seems appropriate in light of the deceased's wish to be cremated and scattered in 500 equal fragments over Citizens Bank Ballpark, Dolphins Stadium, Robert F. Kennedy Stadium and Minute Maid Park.

"They really wanted to be a part of the Wild Card race to the end," said a National League source. "This way they'll be somewhere in the post-season."

A viewing will be held at Wilpon & Son Funeral Home, 123-01 Roosevelt Ave., Flushing, September 14-22 and September 29-October 2. September 14, 15 and 29 are Value Viewing Dates.

"Come on out to Shea," urged New York Mets eulogist Fran Healy, "and watch the Mets lie in state."

Rest easy, soul of Fred Merkle. New York baseball has a new, much more deservedly crowned Bonehead for all time. It's one thing not to advance from first to second on the winning base hit in an era when that was generally accepted practice. Bonehead Offerman has come up with a whole new interpretation of Section 7.00 of the rulebook.

Rule 7.13(j): A runner occupying first base is entitled to second base when the batter hits the ball safely into centerfield unless the runner's head is occupying 50.1% or more of the inner portion of his own ass.

It's not like Jose Offerman hadn't give us warning that with his help we'd be forever blowing ballgames. But back when he was making awful plays in the field, he was just being the Jose Offerman I'd heard about. Since then, I've come to if not respect him then at least ignore him.

But really. Thrown out at second on a single to center? I've seen Met baserunners (what other kind?) get picked off during intentional walks, but they at least had the excuse of getting distracted by a pretty moth or something. What was Offerman looking at? Doesn't the Players Association have a pretty bitchin' vision plan? Hasn't sitting in the first base dugout for almost three months allowed him the time to read every ad on the third base side of Shea? What else was there to watch but the ball whiz past the pitcher, the second baseman and the shortstop?

I shouldn't pick on Jose Offerman. This loss wasn't all his fault. Let's face it, when you're trotting out the likes of Wilson Delgado, Edwin Almonte and Pat Strange, you're bound to lose a lot more games at the end of the year than you're going to win. Therefore...uh, hold on...

Hello?
Yeah -- what about them?
They're not?
You sure?
Really?
Wow, I couldn't tell the difference. Thanks for letting me know.

Correction: It only seems like Tuesday night's game included the likes of Wilson Delgado, Edwin Almonte and Pat Strange, all vagabond ghosts of Met fantastically futile finishes past. Sadly, the stunning conclusion to 2005 bears a little too much resemblance to the three that preceded it.

DEFINING LATE-SEASON SWOONS, 2002-PRESENT
2002: 3-17 (8/10-9/3)
2003: 4-19 (9/4-9/28)
2004: 2-19 (8/22-9/12)
2005: 3-13 (8/27-9/13)
SOURCES: Retrosheet; accursed memory

There's no telling where this could end.
If indeed it does.

While the Mets come up small, some players -- one we love, one we don't -- remain larger than life. Find out who they are at Gotham Baseball.