Forgive me for trotting out this hoary chestnut where the classic NLDS Game 4 between Atlanta and Houston was concerned, but it was a shame either one of these teams had to win.

Atlanta deserved to lose for having neglected to build a reliable bullpen.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Atlanta deserved to lose because they couldn't protect a five-run lead in the eighth.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Atlanta deserved to lose because they couldn't retire Brad Ausmus with two outs in the ninth.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Atlanta deserved to lose because they cannot find the wherewithal after so many division titles to assert themselves in post-season.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Atlanta deserved to lose because they could muster no offense when it mattered.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Atlanta deserved to lose because their brand of soulless, efficient baseball is now being passed down to a third generation of players.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Atlanta deserved to lose because John Scheurholz, Bobby Cox and Leo Mazzone, for all their accomplishments, are missing that certain something when it comes to October.
Houston deserved to lose because they have Roger Clemens.

Yeah, it's a shame both teams couldn't be eliminated when it was all over, but unfortunately you can't have two losers. Surely each team deserved to go home after this series, yet only one gets to do so.

Pity.

Good morning, Angels. I hope you had a pleasant flight.

I have an assignment for you. Bosley has the file on the deadly enemy I need to you to quell, so as I describe each member of this venomous force, he will show you the last known pictures we have on them.

Angels, I'm going to ask you to don your protective goggles for this first foe. He is called The Captain. Do not look too closely right now because I'm afraid you'll be so turned off that when you actually see him, he will be too gruesome to get a fix on. Attractiveness is not his game even if he does have at his disposal a well-oiled publicity machine to give off the impression of attractiveness. But that's a distraction. Angels, I don't want you to focus on what he looks like, but what he does. I will need swift, sharp slides into second and fastballs that are high and tight.

Our next vicious opponent is the one they call A-Rod. Angels, be wary of him. He's smooth. Very smooth. Much as I insist you don't look too closely at the Captain, I don't want you to listen to anything A-Rod has to say. He will talk all night but say absolutely nothing. After he lulls you to sleep, he becomes very dangerous. I will need swift, sharp slides into third and fastballs that are high and tight.

The next piece of your puzzle, Angels, is Mo. Mo is slippery. He gave authorities the idea that he was through, done-for a year ago. He cleverly executed a brilliant charade of appearing unable to come through when he was most needed. Alas, it was a charade. When guards were let down, Mo came back and was as brutal to face as ever. You may be led to believe that you will not see Mo, that you will be able to work your way through a string of lesser combatants, but ultimately, it comes down to taking out Mo. Angels, swift, sharp slides will only work on bunts down the first base line and you will have no objects to throw at him. Remember to lay off the high stuff and he will be in a lessened position of strength.

The leader of this notorious band of thugs, Angels, is this man: Joe. Joe is as lugubrious as he is discomfiting. He can't hurt you with a bat or a ball or even a glove. His method for murder is an endless series of whiny complaints. He will try to make you believe that only his notorious band of thugs is inconvenienced by rain, that only his notorious band of thugs has to travel from one end of the continent to the other, that only his notorious band of thugs finds the starting time to be a disadvantage. Your mission, Angels, will be to drown Joe out with very loud bats and very accurate strikes.

We have uncovered a ring of secret operatives that have been deployed to aid our enemies, Angels. They are known as The Men In Blue. The Men In Blue effect an air of neutrality, but do not be taken in. They are not neutral and they are certainly not on your side. You will have to be definitive in your maneuvers, Angels. Leave no doubt on any play. If you want to be called safe, beat the tag not by a step but by two. If you want to get an out call, get the throw to the bag in plenty of time. And by all means, do not let it come down to a question of who is right, you or Mo. You will lose that debate almost every time if The Men In Blue serve as the allegedly impartial arbiters.

Angels, a lot of people are counting on you to take out this treacherous corps of hooligans. The well-being of much of the nation and a significant portion of our largest metropolitan area depends upon it. This bunch is very cagey. They've been thought to represent a decreased threat for the past year, but the more they stick around, Angels, the more they stick around. And that can only be bad news.

Bosley will now hand you their remaining dossiers. Good luck tonight, Angels. You will need it.